Last week I was invited to speak at Alto Pharmacy hosted by their employee resource group (ERG) as part of July Bereaved Parents Awareness Month. One question that I was asked during the fireside chat has stayed with me -
Have you felt like you had to justify your loss?
Losing a child is a unique pain, some people will understand while some will try to be sympathetic, and some might totally avoid it. One place where I felt I had to justify my loss was when I was looking for work after I had taken time off to become a full-time cancer caregiver. How many people add their stay-at-home cancer caregiver years on their LinkedIn profile? Has anyone seen this? I hadn’t until I went ahead and added it to my profile 3 years ago.
Cancer Sucks
Dates Employed: Sep 2011 — Oct 2012
Employment Duration: 1 yr 2 months
I lost my nine-year-old son on September 25, 2011, after he had fought cancer for 6 of his 9 years of life. This was a year of finding it hard to get out of bed and make sense of anything. While my creativity persisted, my need to look for a silver lining had diminished.
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I was judged and was expected to justify for the time I took off and that is when I realized that our workplace is uncomfortable with conversations about loss and grief. Reintegration into the workplace after child loss (or for that matter, any loss), needs to become part of the Equity and Inclusion conversation and it needs to become more commonplace.
July has been declared National Bereaved Parents Awareness Month. This month is a time for supporting our friends and loved ones who have experienced child loss, no matter the amount of years that have gone by.
If you know anyone who has lost a child, let them know you are thinking of them.
1) Start by acknowledging the loss.
2) Mention the child’s name and share a memory you might have with them.
3) Nothing profound, just say I’m reaching out to say I’m thinking about you.
4) Never say, it was for the best or that he/she is in a better place. There is no better place than a mom’s arms.
This conversation is very important right now with all the loss people have witnessed due to COVID-19. Every family has been touched by the pandemic in one way or the other. With schools and businesses looking to go back in person let's make sure we don’t rush to seem normal to fit in. Let’s make sure processes are set up to acknowledge grief and loss.
#cancersucks #artforgrief #bereavedparentsawarenessmonth #equityandinclusion #covid19