They asked us…
whose shoulders are you standing on?
as I looked around a room full of world changing women
in my mind, there should have really been only one answer
your,
and yours,
and yes for someone standing next to me,
mine as well.
But how often do some shoulders feel too high to reach?
How often do we go to conferences and feel nurtured, nourished, elevated, justified and yes… insignificant as well?
I guess it needs to be a little of all of the above…
How often do we hear these perfectly motivating voices to only feel imperfect?
I guess it is needed to move us into action…
They asked me…
whose shoulders are you standing on?
it did not take much probing to think of my answer…
on one side it’s my sweet angel who reminds me of what I have lost
on the other side it’s his brother who reminds me to live in the now
and,
shoulders of those who have come before me who constantly nudge my imperfection.
Most of the time, I seek out a retreat, a workshop, or conference based on what I’m craving for myself. Sometimes it is self care, or I need some answers to questions, or I just need to nurture my curiosity. Whatever the reason I end up finding an outlet. This week it was the World Changing Women’s Summit 2020 in Sonoma.
World changing women, sounds like such a tall order, right? But, you end up having conversations about topics that poke you in all the right places, cringe you in the sore places, and boil your blood in the foul places. We all have those so let’s not lie. With three days of feeling loved and unsettled at the same time, I usually like to sit with my thoughts and digest the material for a few days.
While mulling through my thoughts this morning after coming back from the summit I happened upon a podcast from IDEO where Bill Burnett was talking about Designing your Work Life. How to find the balance between Impact, Expression, and Money. I’m thinking about that all the time because most of what I have done over the last few years has been 90% impact and expression driven and striking the balance with ‘conscious capitalism’, a term used a lot at the summit, has been hard.
Over the three days I got to talk with several women from varied fields. Some had been to previous summits while many were first time attendees like myself. I invariably asked each of them what their takeaway had been thus far and it was insightful to hear everyone’s thoughts. What I sensed most was the urgency for women to support other women. Whether they were women of color or younger ones supporting the elder or established leaders mentoring a new breed.
Watching and listening to speakers get on the stage and share their leadership stories I could not help but think about the ‘accidental leaders’. How do they take shape? What circumstances push them and motivate them to stumble upon ‘leadership’? What happens when they take a stand on something and suddenly people start lining up behind them? Who is there to guide those who find themselves accidentally in the front of the line? Who is shining a light on their path? Whose shoulders are they standing on?
As someone who fits in that category of an accidental leader, I came away with the profound need to ‘honor my journey’.
Take me for who I am
lift me from where I am
honor my journey.
Hold my hand, but take my lead
lead me, but listen to my needs
guide me, and let me offer guidance too
for I need to learn to honor my own journey.
Let me talk and pour my heart out
just listen, listen with intention
just listen, listen without judgement
don’t rush to feel sorry
sorry for me, or for who I am (or what I have lost)
don’t rush to be grateful
grateful, that it is not your own story.
For each of us need to honor the losses in our own journeys.
Sometimes helpless but definitely not hapless
in need of encouragement
maybe also intervention
sometimes doubtful
of my surrounding and of how my own story is evolving
evolution they say is part of life
change they say is the only constant
I accept change for all it has offered
it has evolved me in many different directions
change I say is my reality
I see it for what it is
and accept it’s constant movement
in directions that I might not have chosen
but change is what I have come to honor
for I have learned a lot by listening to what it has to offer
it hasn't come easy
and I doubt it will get easier
but honor myself and my journey is what I hope I can offer to my constant need to find my place in this world.
So for all the accidental leaders out there, find a shoulder…
but remember, all shoulders are not alike.
It will be hard for people to understand you,
as you doubt and stumble, keep moving forward
and be a shoulder for someone all along.
